Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize