and you said cock pushups were impossible
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was like his penis was on wheels.
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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