i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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