Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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