You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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