we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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