Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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