There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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