Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize