the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I deserve this hangover.
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