69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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