C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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