I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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