His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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