They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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