Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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