Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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