Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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