I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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