does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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