Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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