Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize