My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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