Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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