I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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