Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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