the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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