is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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