I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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