a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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