mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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