Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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