I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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