I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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