Small penises have feelings too.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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