Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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