I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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