Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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