So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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