I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize