I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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