Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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