it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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