If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
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"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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