so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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