I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize