Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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