Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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