I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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