gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize